I won't regret slowing down.

Before the french press finished brewing, Behr approached his breakfast with a familiar line of questioning. Disregarding the hundreds of times he has eaten this breakfast before, he asked, "What's in it." After each ingredient listed, he responded with, "okay, and what else?" He has incredible stamina in his questioning. I exhaled, "That's it. That is all the ingredients. No more questions until you finish your breakfast."

"Wait Mom, one more question, please." Behr begged.

"Okay..."

With a straight face, and sincere curiosity Behr asked, "Do elephants take baths?"

My left eye began to twitch. Are you kidding me? Where does this kid come up with this stuff? Seriously! That, of all things, is the question that spontaneously popped into his head that so desperately needed answering? And then I realized how much fun I have talking about animals with Behr.

I got down on all fours and waddled towards Behr, lifting my right arm as though it were a long elephant trunk, slurping loudly the water from the pond in front of me, then swinging my arm behind, I sprayed my back as elephants do.

With wide eyes he crawled into my lap as I explained, hoping to be accurate, that elephants use their trunks to give themselves a bath, just as I poured water from a cup over Behr's head when he is in the bath. We then debated whether or not elephants could swim, the depths of water they waded in, and if they went in water deeper than they were tall if drowning was a possibility.

Our elephant questions have resurfaced occasionally over the weeks since. And I can only imagine years from now, Behr racing home from school with a book that either proves me to be the smartest mom in the world, or sorely ill-informed on the subject of elephant hygiene. Either way, I am certain that I will never regret slowing down and having the seemingly mundane conversations that sprout from incessant questioning.

 

This picture was taken at the National Zoo in 2012, shortly after the elephant house opened. We are sorely over due for a return trip. 

The messy business of motherhood

The day after mother's day can be filled with all the emotions. Whatever your weekend looked like, whatever your motherhood story, this here is messy business. We often get caught in cycles of comparison or self-judgement. Caught in a cycle of laundry and dishes and toys and boo boos. Caught in whatever we are caught in. My friend Elisha has written an ebook about motherhood that I would love to share with you. She is real and raw. A quick read full of helpful reminders. We are everyday moms. Working today and tomorrow to be authentic. If you need a bit of encouragement, go on over and sign up for Elisha's mailing list and you can get your own free copy of her ebook. Or you can buy it on Amazon here.

Disclaimer: compensated affiliate links may be used in this post.

My Unexpected Challenge in Motherhood

This post is a counterpart to Lindsey Kubly's post, shared last week. I was so inspired by her writing, I asked for permission to outline similar strategies from my high-energy, 100% extroverted approach to life.

When I first became a mom, I continued to work full time in my office job, juggling presentations, daycare pick up and dinner time, among countless other things moms juggle. I alternated my lunch breaks between power meetings with coworkers and play dates in Behr's class room. I grabbed coffee once or twice a day with friends to catch up. I spent most of my days surrounded by people and I thrived. I am an extrovert in every sense of the word.

Transitioning to life with two kids and working from home has had challenges I didn't expect. After reading Lindsey's post, I took a hard look at how things have changed for me in the past year. We welcomed a second son into our family and I transitioned out of the fast-paced, ladder climbing executive world into a work at home job requiring 20-30 hours a week. Below are a few strategies I am continuing to learn as I navigate this transition to working at home. (Read: being alone at home without natural adult interaction) Ironically, the more I thought about Lindsey's post, the more I realized that many of the tools I utilize as an extrovert are strikingly similar to her approach as an introvert. I encourage you to read both posts and let me know what you think.

1. Assess your available outlets.
In the beginning, I struggled with relying on my husband and my mom to fill all the hours of socialization I craved. I spent hours talking to, or worse at them, sometimes disrupting their work day with a phone call just to hear myself speak. At the mom's group I attended, I needed to hold back from speaking between every other person. It became obvious that I needed more interaction, I needed other outlets. I began to take the boys with me to Costco, the trip is long and slow, but we talk to nearly every employee along the way. We are pouring into their day and they are helping to fill ours. Now that Behr is in pre-school, I utilize drop off and pick up time more strategically. We arrive early and chat with folks until the end of drop off. This allows me to get conversations in and be energized before heading home to work alone for the next few hours while Hudson naps. Readjusting a few of our regular routines in a way that serves as an outlet means I no longer weigh down my family with the responsibility of being my sole source of interactions. Time spent with acquaintances help me as an extrovert so that time spent with those closest to me can move to deeper relationships.

I have also found an incredible community of online friends both via instagram and The Influence Network. These outlet are rewarding and leading to deeper relationships.

2. Focus on meaningful conversations.
This appears to be counter-intuitive to the first point. However, it is a continual lesson for me. Living in a big city, I am surrounded by people and there is always someone to talk to at the park or at a street corner. Pushing a stroller makes you an immediate target for conversation. But just because I might be lonely, doesn't mean I need to talk to everyone. Similarly, just because I talk to numerous people in a day, doesn't mean I am refilling my need for energy. Exasperated one week I realized that I had tens of conversations that didn't move beyond, the ages of my boys, their blue eyes, and yes, my hair was lighter as a kid too. Repeating the same chatter doesn't serve anyone. Now at the park, I do a quick survey to see if I recognize anyone where I can follow up from a previous conversations. At the street corners, instead of going on auto-pilot, I use these basic conversations to teach Behr social cues. Drawing a distinction between small talk and true conversation has left me more strategic, and better fulfilled.

I have signed up for newsletters from Thrive Moms and The MOB Society. These emails, provide direct encouragement, but also serve as a excellent conversation probes, key in developing meaningful conversations.

3. Save energy for motherhood. 
This is the same third strategy as Lindsey's. I echo her sentiments about the role of mom being priority number one right now. Behr is an active three year old and Hudson is on the verge of walking. If I am not giving them my attention first, our day goes downhill fast. If I ignore them, it usually leads to someone getting stuck in a precarious position. My children require my energy and attention. Even as an extrovert, I need to make sure I have energy for them in reserve. I need to be able to pour into my boys without needing them to the source of my social interaction. Expecting my kids to meet and fill my needs is unrealistic and inconsiderate. However, when I have the energy saved for being a mom, we are more likely to engage in activities that serve us all well, like reading out loud, playing thinking games such as "I notice_____, I wonder why?" and cooking together.


4. Set boundaries.
My first few weeks home I packed our schedule so full, no one was happy. I was getting stuck meeting a deadline for work before our first play group and trying to rush lunch before we are off to our second event of the day. I have set a few hard boundaries to make sure I am able to better implement the first three strategies.

• Boundary: One play date per day. If I schedule any more, I am forcing us through the motions instead of enjoying our company. 
• Boundary: No more than one new friend (family) per week. We don't always meet new friends, but when we do, I have found that we all do better in smaller doses. If we have friends visiting from out of town over the weekend, I try not to meet up with other new friends on either side. Meeting and engaging with new faces is hard at any age and can be overwhelming. Even as an extrovert, limited the number of new encounters is helpful. 
• Boundary: One coffee/lunch date per week. Again, this boundary is about the schedule. If we are so jam packed, our time with friends is less fruitful. (The college econ major in me wants to tell you about diminishing margins of return...) But I also know that having this adult conversation is incredible helpful for me. While the boys are usually in tow, we pick places with room to roam or outdoor seating and the boys get play while I dig deep with friends. More than one date per week leaves me frantic. This is the hardest boundary for me to keep, but likely the most crucial for our family.
• Boundary: Ask before speaking. This is a whole life story boundary. But as an extrovert, I often need to process aloud. My husband and I try to simply approach one another with a question first, "Can I talk about my work problem with you?" "Do you have time to listen to me for a few minutes?" Ir prepares the other person, and leads to a better conversation. 

A huge theme of these strategies is developing better conversations. I've been mulling over this topic, how it impacts my activities on social media, how it helps and hinders community, and whether or not you can speed up the space between small talk and deep meaningful conversation. You can certainly expect to hear more from me on this topic in the coming months. I would love to hear you thoughts, both on conversation and community as well as the challenges of motherhood, and how personality types/tendencies impact all of the above.

Finally, wether you are an extrovert or not, I found Lindey's post very helpful. Go ahead and take a read and while you are there, girl has some killer mom style. Check it out.

It's been a good day...

How do you measure your days?

During my working days it was presentations and coffees runs.

Pre-kids it was also pages read.

Newborn days were measured in ounces and diapers and sides in three hour increments.

I recently caught myself checking the boxes on a list of things that didn't happen. Instead of marking my day by the good that came, I tallied the bad that did or didn't...

No one was kicked in the face during morning snuggles.
Nothing spilled during breakfast
No one pooped during meal times.
Or during my shower.
I didn't text Mark out of desperation.
No one needed an ice pack, bandage or doctor's appointment.
Bedtime wasn't fraught with protests.
I didn't need a second pot of coffee.

Must have been a good day.

Confession: this though also creeps into my head some days, "I posted to instagram four times today, it couldn't have been that bad."

Saying that aloud is even worse. It's like a kick in the gut. I spent nearly a month's worth of energy tallying the bad. I am finished tallying the bad. I do not want to be the mom who can count the number of times my kid wet the bed, or spilled his milk because I kept a tally. I do not want to be that person.

Yesterday, in my post about my April goals, I shared about being focused on hope. This right here is my motivation. And my focus, well it is coming from Romans 12:12.

I am going to spend April actively training the positive back into my vocabulary. I am going to speak hope-filled words to my kids and myself throughout the day. I am going to start measuring my day with hope in mind.

How do you measure your days or weeks? Have you fallen into a similar trap as me? 

What do you do to help keep a positive outlook?

Loving God's People: Be a Baby Holder

Babies cry. Long and loud and sometimes they cause your ears to ring and mouth to go dry from the stress of the grating noise. I've survived two babies with colic. Sure, colic ends, babies stop crying and it's just a blip in perspective of their life. None of this helps. The advice, tips, feedback, even books we read and doctors we consult make no difference at 3am. Moms need people. People to show up with a sweet tea, a smoothie, or a milkshake. People to joyfully look at a screaming baby with a smile that says, "Here, let me take that little reflux monster off your hands, I don't mind the smell of puke." People who are simply willing to hold an exhausted, won't stop crying, refuses to sleep, clearly well fed baby, and not utter a word as to what the solution might be. New moms need these kind of people every single day.

I have a friend who was always willing to hold Hudson, especially when he was screaming. She often gave him back to me peacefully swaddled and sleepy. On my hardest days, I would try to find the park she was at and tag along. She sees my motives and loves me through. Every momma needs a friend like this with which to do life. Be that friend.

Now that Hudson is approaching his first birthday (makes me equally giddy and weepy), I have realized what a tremendous support these friends were, and continue to be. Hudson's needs from me are changing. My ability to hold someone else's screaming baby is increasing. This is one way I will be loving God's people. I am going to become a self-proclaimed professional baby holder. Bring on the screams!

(and as for the books that don't help...here are a few that just might)

These books are on my nightstand when they aren't being lent out to a friend. I turn to them frequently. 

Real Food for Mother and Baby // Great with Child

Operating Instructions // Baby 411 // The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

Disclaimer: compensated affiliate links used in this post.

Confessions and Motherhood

Each Sunday, as part of our church's worship service, we read a corporate confession of sin aloud before having a time of silent prayer. The practice of corporate confession was new to me when we first began attending our church, five years ago. Over the course of time I realized that what I appreciate most is that these often rather general confessions of common behavior have challenged me and often revealed greater struggles. Reading together creates a sense of equality -- we are all sinners. It is powerful, convicting, and encouraging.

A few weeks after Hudson was born {after the blissful first days, in the midst of sleep-deprived crankiness} we read the following confession:

Our Lord, forgive us for being angry and grumpy when you call us to serve others. We serve our-selves gladly, but are often bothered when our spouses, parents, roommates [children] and co-workers need our help and interrupt our plans. As we serve, we often grumble silently to ourselves, watching the clock wondering when we can be done. We forget we're serving you first.
Lord God, forgive our selfishness. Amen.

As a mother, struggling with recovering from my cesarean section and coping with a two-year old acting out and a colicky newborn, I felt like this confession was written for me. It is so easy to slip into grumpiness and to let that attitude shape my days. To become ungrateful or to lose perspective will also rob me of the joys. I have been carrying around this confession, re-reading it almost daily. Praying this prayer. I have found this helpful as a mother, a wife, and a friend.

What do you find helpful in the hard moments? Does your church pray corporately? What do you turn to for encouragement?

Hudson Two Months

Little boy you are two months old, quickly on your way to three and four months. Your neck and legs are getting strong. Seems like you are nearly ready to challenge your big brother. 

Watching how quickly the newborn phase disappears makes me realize how very short this season of parenting is. It can be said agan and again and again, but time is so very brief with precious little ones. When you fall asleep on my lap, it is like the world stands still and my to-do list melts away. I want every second to last a lifetime. Even among the loud screaming and crying, I often want time to stand still. 

Being a mom is harried. I am constantly ripping myself in different directions, wanting to snuggle longer, a nursing session to move faster, pressing to get dinner ready, and avoiding cooking to roll around on the floor. My wants and desires shift radically every day with the influx of stress or laughter. I am torn and broken down. 

Hudson, these past two months have been hard emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You have cried more than I wish. We all have cried more than I would like to admit. But in spite of it all, you are growing, smiling, laughing, and sneezing up a storm! You really do sneeze a lot. It is equally adorable to watch your face scrunch up and then hear your brother exclaim, "Husson suh-neeeeze. Bless you Husson!" He hasn't quite mastered the "D" in your name, but he is always aware of what you are doing. 

When I was pregnant with you, I was determined to describe you as your own person, not in relation to your brother. But I have come to realize, that while you will always be an individual, you are inevitably shaped by the family that surrounds you, and that very much includes Behr. When you were born it was like looking at Behr's twin. Now at two months, I see both a mini-Behr in moments and also a Hudson that is nothing like Behr. Hudson you have a smile and coo that is entirely your own, completely unique to you. It has an incredible way of calming me. It is your tiny gift to me. Thank you for that. 

I look forward to this next month being better, for all of us. For now, I will try to enjoy the moments, no matter what they bring.

Hudson One Month

I decided to link this post on Blair's "Life Lately" 

because each time I sat down to write a post specifically about life,

I realized I had written most of it here already.

So there you have it. Thanks!

p.s. The girls linking up are super encouraging, join the party!

One Month

Today marks one month until my precious baby boy is due. One month. My heart is full of emotions.

One month with Behr as my little guy, my big boy who is still my baby, but growing faster than I could imagine. One month where he gets the fullest of my attention.

One month of feeling tiny kicks inside me. As this month wears on and baby boy grows, I know those will be less active. I am not quite ready to say goodbye to the best days of pregnancy.

One month of back aches and leg cramps that make me wish for this baby tomorrow.

One month until our world as we know it changes. When snuggling on the couch might mean a son on each side of my and my husband being kicked off the couch. When grabbing lunch at our favorite salad place means a baby in each of our arms. When Sunday football might not be simply a baby in one hand a beer in the other. Things are changing, will continue to change. But this change, its gonna be really good.

I have dedicated my heart to one precious baby boy, and now I get to do it again. With an adoring brother looking over my side to see his baby brother's eyes peek open. I know my heart and love will be able to expand as we bring another baby home, because it already has begun. My heart is growing and stretching. All the while, there is no way I can possibly imagine what the next weeks hold for us, our little family.

One more month!

Joy + Challenges

This weekend was rough. I have been having panic attacks during my pregnancy and they came to a head with me crying hysterically on the side of the road while Mark and Behr were out of town camping. I have been hesitant to call these mini-breakdowns anything since keeping my cool has never been a strong suit. But after reviewing their frequency and the triggers, things as silly as a long line or a malfunctioning safety pin, I am beginning to acknowledge that this is more than I can control.

When I was pregnant with Behr, the overall result was incredibly calming. I was a softer and gentler person, with remarkably less stress. I've been waiting for that this pregnancy...

At first I looked at my exhaustion during this pregnancy and viewed it as a result of chasing a toddler. Now I am accepting my crazy-mama, panic attacks, or anxiety, whatever you want to call these moments. I am no longer focusing on controlling them, but rather how to face this. I plan to talk to my OB, and some folks at church. In the mean time, I am experimenting with coping mechanisms. Recently I have begun to practice slow breathing before picking Behr up from daycare and beginning our commute home. I am trying to sleep in a position that relaxes my posture, less tight mussels, and consciously releasing my clenched jaw. And most significantly, I am clinging to the promises of God, especial Pslam 31:

In you, Lord, I have taken refuge...
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;
deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.  - Psalm 31:1a, 3-5

I am holding on to promises.

I am also taking things bit by bit, embracing the simple joys. I am practicing prayers of thanksgiving and one of the things I am most grateful for is my growing family. My sweet family brings me great joy. Remembering the fun that Behr and I had spinning in the park at Esplanade has been a recent encouragement to me, and I am so grateful that Mark took a million pictures so I could make this mini-animation. I am also grateful for our friend Mike who spun Behr and I around!

I am clinging to God's promises for me.

Love Big.

Nine days into August, and slowing down is being good to my family.

We are taking time to do the small things.

Kate wrote a sentence that rocked me to my core and inspired my slow down:

You don’t have to pick up your baby every time he cries,

you don’t have to give your toddler a cookie every time he asks for one,

but you can acknowledge how they feel.

I realized, that amidst the rush of getting things done, not only was I not acknowledging Behr's feelings, but there were times I wasn't even recognizing them.

The hardest part of the day for us is arriving home after a long, hot, sweaty commute. Behr is cranky, I am cranky, and often already feel behind on dinner preparations. Behr and I yell at each other as we strip out of our nasty clothes. Often we both cry.

This past week, we have been coming home, rushing to the air conditioning vent, collapsing, and cuddling in front of the cool air. I resist the urge start dinner. Once we both regain our composure, and normal body temperature before moving on to the next task. We are taking time to calm down together. In these moments, I have seen Behr receive my love, and I have received his. He has grabed my face between his hands and delivered a wet sloppy kiss. Instead of screaming we embrace. He is still my baby, and he still needs me, just as much as I need him.  In these five or six minutes after we walk in the door, we are now sharing love.

As August continues, we will be keeping the wise words of Mother Teresa in our hearts.

Perhaps they will help you too.

A crack in the dam.

Through motherhood,

a marked change in me

has revealed new beauty

in God's creation.

The Olympic games are about to begin. Commercials, highlights, and top moments have been streaming across the television in preparation for London 2012. I live for the Olympics.

I was the little girl who memorized Kerry Strug's floor routine. I showed up early for swim practice to squeeze in extra laps. I stayed late after diving practice for a few more tips from my coach. I met Olympic athletes like Mary Ellen Clark and hung their signatures on my door to inspire me towards greatness. I read books about champions, motivational pieces about hard work, discipline, and training. Some of my former teammates and opponents have gone on to Olympic games, one even competing again this summer.

I was a kid with a dream, but not enough talent. Yet, none of that has tarnished the Olympics for me. I love them. But things have changed.

Where I once would observe and analyze, rattling off statistics and related cases, I now swell with tears of joy. My throat tightens and my face turns splotchy. There is now a crack in the dam that was my hardened shell of emotionless articulation.

Motherhood has changed me.

The Holy Spirit has done a work in me during the process of motherhood. My heart has been opened to see the Glory of God in ways I never would have noticed. From an infants first coo, to the overwhelming joy of outstretched arms. In motherhood, I have realized the preciousness of the children of God. Children who are intricately fragile and robust, simple and complex. Each one of those Olymplic athletes was once a child with hope and dreams, whose parents clapped when they took first steps, never imagining the finishlines they would some day cross.

And you know, the beauty of it all brings me to tears. I am completely undone by God's creation. Remarkable accomplishments like those of Olympic athletes are the Glory of God on display for all of humanity. And that is something to celebrate.

So let the Games begin!

(and pass the tissues, please)

New Wardrobe | Saving Money While Shopping

So basically, I am realizing that the baby I gave birth to changed my body dramatically.  I have a whole lot of baby mama questions, but first a new wardrobe needs to be procured.  Totally wish I could pull an I dream of Jeannie nose twitch right about now.  And poof, everything in my closet would be new and flattering!

Ha, if you are dreaming with me, then you might like what I am talking about over here:

Have a fabulously affordable Sunday!

p.s. doesn't that "affordable" kind of dampen the mood?

if only affordable insinuated fabulous.






Oh, and I completely forgot to mention, you can find my {not always so affordable} baby faves here:

And while we are on the subject, are you interested in having me guest post on your blog?  I would love to join you and your readers.  Send me an email at: shannon.angelos {at} gmail.com

In vs. Out

It is official. This past week marked the date of longer out than in.  Behr has been "out" for over forty-one weeks and two days. He was a late arrival, but worth the wait.

The time I have spent with Behr in my arms has felt so much longer than the time I was pregnant.  He has grown so much, gaining almost 10 lbs. and 7 inches in length.  The changes and new developments are countless.  But the reality is that he changed even more than I could comprehend during his first forty-one weeks.  Of course I know the facts, he gained 8 pounds and grew 21 inches before birth, inside of me.  And yet, I am not quite sure how to grasp the concept.  There are so many times during early pregnancy that you jut don't "feel pregnant" (even if you are sick as a dog).  But since January 12, there haven't been any days that I didn't feel like a mom.  

There is no way to compare these two sets of time.  To say he looks so different today than when he was born would be an understatement compared to the change that occurred from conception to birth.  I cannot wrap my head around the difference between the two phases of this miracle. Nor can I begin to fathom what the next forty-one weeks, months, or years could have in store.  

Once this milestone occurred to me, when it was written in my calendar, I began to eagerly anticipate this day.  It is not certain why this chalk mark in time even really matters.  However, at the end of the day it is incredible to reflect on all 82+ weeks of Behr's life and this journey into motherhood.

This little photo montage inspired by my Russell's Orchard photo shoot and re-affirmed by the ever creative Elizabeth during our blogger weekend.  

How We Parent Our Little Man

The baby industry offers an abundance of information.  There are books and blogs, magazines and medical journals, and then every person you come in contact with has advice or opions for raising your children.

We were fortunate not to become innundated or overwhelemed.  There are a few books that we skimmed.  Trusted friends who we consulted. But all in all, at the end of the day, we trusted our gut.  At first, I was fearful of sharing the ways we weren't following the letter of the law, afraid of judgement.  Overtime, I have gained the confidence to stand firm on the decision we have made for our family.  So it is with this new found confidence that I share how we parent.

We attachment parent, but don't.

When Behr wants to sleep in our bed, he does.

But I am not always a snuggler.  I make no promises.

We are just as happy when Behr sleeps in his crib.

When I am cranky, Behr gets the cold shoulder, and I am okay with that. 

We do not let him cry it out.  It never worked.  Within a few minutes, Behr would be crying so hard he would stop breathing.

We rock Behr to sleep, and so does our daycare.  They are great.

I make Behr's food with organic produce from our farm share.

And we feed him store bought food for the convenience, because sometimes you need convenience.

I give him whole food often, like the apple slices above.  This worries many people, but Behr is a great eater and knows how to take small "bites."

Behr nurses.  Drinks bottles.  And occasionally has formula.  It is a mixed bag.

We started with cloth diapers.

And now we use disposables.  It makes more sense for our life right now.

We do not punish yet, because we cannot keep a straight face.

But we are teaching "gentle," because baby claws can hurt!

We encourage Behr with laughter when he spits and sprays his food.

This might come back to haunt us, but we are enjoying living in the moment.

We are not trying to teach Behr to crawl.  If he wants to, he will.

I am content with my little immobile baby, but encourage him to stand, because that makes him happy.

We do not have a schedule.

"They" say that scheduled help babies learn, adapt, and cope.  

Behr is doing just fine witha  flexible feeding schedule and bed time.

I am sure there are more things that we do and don't do.  Some habbits that might make you cringe.  But at the end of the day, we parent in a way that is best for our family.

What are some of the things that work for you and your family?

I am linking up to Small Style.  Behr's plaid shirt is from Carter's and I love how he looks like a Little Man!

How breastfeeding works for us.

We have made it! Nearly 7 months of breastfeeding, so we have reached the ubiquitous milestone of breastfeeding for the first 6 months. Behr was exclusively* breastfed for this time with two very minor exceptions, but I will go into those later. I am now facing the reality that working 30+ hours out of the home, pumping at least three times a day, and not having my baby so close, leaves me worried that my supply is waning and I won't make it until his first birthday let alone the recommended two years.

My worries aside, I have learned more than I ever could have imagined. They {although I don't quite remember who} say that a crazy high percentage of learning takes place from conception to age 5. Well over half of your learning. Since having Behr, I would now argue that for women, the next greatest time of learning in life is immediately after conceiving. Call it mother's instinct or my own obsessive compulsive nature, and perhaps heightened availability of information these days, but I have consumed more information on all sides of every issue in the past year and a half than I ever thought possible.

There is a lot of crap information. Many people address parenting issues with scare tactics. And the topic of breastfeeding, while coming back into vogue, is at the top of the list for heated debates. So I do not enter into this topic lightly, but with the caveat that every parent child relationship is different. As a mother, you need to fight for what is best for you and your baby. With that said, here is what worked for us, and a few pointers along the way.

If you want to venture into breastfeeding your baby, know that it takes serious dedication and support. Talk to your loved ones now and make sure that they will provide the encouragement you will no doubt need along the way. It was important for Mark to understand why this was so important to me. He was charged with the responsibility of getting Behr and I "together" for our first feeding as soon as possible.

Don't let the thought of a c-section or a possible nicu stay frighten you regarding breastfeeding. Behr and I did not have our first latch for nearly two hours after he was born. It is okay. He was in me for over 41 weeks, so we were still able to bond. I was terrified that all hope of breastfeeding would be ruined as they wheeled me down the hall after 50 hours of labor into a sterile operating room. I wish someone had assured me that the worry was not necessary.

Do you have a strong let-down? I was so engorged when my milk came in that I could not lower my arms. My dear friend Karlene and I still laugh today because I would lean forward and immediately leak through my nursing pads, padded bra, tee shirt, and sometimes even sweatshirt. Milk oozed out of me from seemingly every crevice. Then I found this wonderful invention: Milkies. If you have a healthy production, check them out. This allowed me to nurse from one side each feeding, to ensure Behr got both the fore milk and the hind milk, without leaking through everything. It also gave me the bonus of capturing the precious leaking milk for my freezer supply.

Beginning to pump in the first few weeks also helped me become more comfortable. There is a balance between pumping to relieve your engorged boobs and having pumping over stimulate, leading to more discomfort. Start slowly and figure out what works for you. If you need help producing, pump mid-way between feedings to trigger your body to produce more milk.

If you are currently pregnant, buy nursing pads now. To see my favorites, check out my Gear Guide for Nursing. I began leaking at 20 weeks. The med students at the hospital were amazed as I let down during my epidural. So fingers crossed you won’t have to deal with it as much as I did. But it is never too early to be ready.

I was not a fan of giving Behr anything other than me for meal time, but I realized that a nipple shield was worth it to allow him to eat successfully. Due to the pressure, I was basically water boarding Behr during each feeding in those early weeks. He was drinking out of a fire hose, and as a result, not getting much milk down to his belly. Once he was strong enough, he transitioned off the nipple shield just fine.

Are you going back to work? Think about your nursing goals as you look for child care. I knew I would be leaving Behr with a nanny at home for the first bit until we got into day care. So I investing in a double electric pump and began stocking my freezer early. Having a supply of milk reduced the stress on me to pump enough each day for the very next day. I knew he would not go hungry. Another factor was in choosing our daycare, the opportunity for me to visit and nurse Behr during my work day, made the day care located on sight even more appealing. Update: We get in starting September 1, easing my production worries! We are so excited!

While some mothers find breastfeeding an incredibly bonding time. It is OKAY if you don’t have the same overwhelming emotions of joy. I am a generally impatient person, so Behr’s 45 minute feeding sessions drove me mad. I began picking a good TV show or answering email on my blackberry to keep myself from cutting him short. Do we enjoy the bond? Sometimes yes, but other times for me it feels like a sacrifice I am willing to make because I believe strongly in the health benefits.

Make nighttime feeding easier. I quickly learned the side lying position which meant I could doze a bit while Behr fed. This was a life saver in the middle of the night.

Eat fruit and drink lots of water. Breastfeeding makes me dehydrated and often leaves me feeling lightheaded or dizzy. Having a natural sugar from fruit and plenty of water helps. When I pump at work, I often chow on a granola bar as I walk back to my office. Just be sure to listen to your body.

Boost your production. I drink more water than ever before, take fenugreek and drink Mother’s Milk tea or Women's Raspberry Leaf tea. It is hard to tell if any of these things specifically boost my milk production, but I feel like they are working, so I stick with it.

Find a schedule that works for you. Will you have parent directed feedings, or will your baby decide his or her own nursing schedule. Do what works for you. For us, Behr fed on demand, which was a pretty consistent 3-4 hour cycle. But when I was home on maternity leave, I felt it was important to allow him to eat more often when he needed to. Eventually, this led to me reducing the crying fits and becoming better attuned to his growth spurts. We follow the “EASY” method – Eat, Activity, Sleep, Yourself. Behr eats when he wakes up from naps rather than as he goes down for a nap. This works for us. Find what works for you.

Continuing to breastfeed while I work has been a bit of a challenge. I pump twice a day at work and then once at home between 11pm and midnight based on when Behr last ate. He sleeps from 7/8-2/3 now, so I can stay up and pump to make sure I have enough for his two 6ounce bottles the next day. Somewhere around the beginning of month 5 I realized I wasn’t pumping enough and my freezer stock of over 100 ounces was severely depleted. This schedule means I don’t get much sleep. And I think the lack of sleep might be leading to why I am not getting a good pumping session in at night. It is a vicious cycle.

A bit about exclusively breastfeeding. Going strong for six months was a goal of mine. We did introduce small sips of water because it has been a boiling hot summer and Behr sweats…like a grown man. I was worried about his hydration, so when we are out and about he gets a bit of water between feedings. We also introduced a few ounces of prune juice during times when he goes over five days without a BM. This kid does not like to poop. His record is 9 days! Both of these were after the 4.5 month mark. But we did not introduce any solid food until 6 months. So that is why I say we exclusively breastfed, although I know some die hards would object to this claim.

Do you still have questions? I feel like I haven’t even come close to doing this topic justice. Feel free to leave a comment or drop me an email and I would be happy to share more of what has worked for us. 
Huge thanks for all of the email questions I got about nursing from friends and bloggers. You have helped me formulate the material for this post, and I likely would have found it too daunting a subject without my hundreds of emails with all of you. You ladies are amazing!


all pictures from pinterest search: "breastfeeding"

because I really didn't feel it necessary to put my own boobs on the internet.



Heart thoughts on rest...

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It has been months since I first realized I was in a bit of an identity crisis.  How do you fill the many roles?  I promised to blog about it, but couldn't find the right words.  Then Sunday at church, a guest pastor struck a cord and my hand couldn't stop moving.

What does rest look like in your life?  Is reading blogs, catching up on twitter, or perusing pinterest "restful" or is there a sense of busyness about that?  I am goal oriented and often set quotas for myself {yes, even my down time} defeating the purpose of rest.

Can you find rest amidst the busyness?  I am not sure that I can truly rest living in a city.  Living here, I am now certain that I wouldn't choose another city for a vacation.  The hustle and bustle is now where I unwind.

I pack and schedule and fill my moments of quiet perhaps because I have a fear of stillness that true rest might bring.  A fear of wasting time that has proven even more precious and recently also quite scarce.  My thoughts often start with a twinge of worry. But what about... What will happen if... How can I rest when...

And then flip the coin.  Am I able to find rest or joy in the things that fill my day?  Do I find cooking for my family, playing with my son, walking to church times of joy or a responsibility/chore/task to which I begrudgingly oblige?  Perhaps if I took the time to truly rest then I would be able to find deeper joy in my many blessings.  I have a family to cook for, a son to play with, and legs to carry me through this incredible city, a place I get to call home.

That is where my heart has been recently.

"We need Jesus to give us a spiritual assessment of whether we rest with soul rest.  Or whether we're still on the treadmill of trying to prove our very existence."   -- Rev. John Hutchinson  

Mother's Day

We had a wonderful mother's day.

We snuggled, enjoyed brunch, walked to church, and loved being a family of three.

How was your mother's day?

This is how I found my little guy this morning.   Isn't he just the sweetest?  Sadly, I had to wake him up to feed him before heading off to the hustle and bustle of a monday in the office.

guest post: "don't judge."

hey y'all! 

i'm julie from green eggs & hammes

first of all, congratulations to shannon & mark on the birth of baby Behr! 

how adorable is that child? so squishy! love.

shannon & i have been friends since high school and i'm so thrilled to still be part of her life.

and now that we're both mom's, it makes it all that much more fun!

my husband & i had our little one in november of '09, Levi. he's the greatest.

i thought in light of shannon just having her baby, that i'd do a post on {wait for it...} baby stuff!

you're shocked, i know.

i decided to go the honest route...

so. here are the 

top 5 things i judged women for before becoming a mom 

& doing it myself.

{sad & wrong that i judged? absolutely. true? absolutely.}

1. c-sections.

let's just start right at the top. i never really thought about sections as a "necessary" thing.

i always kind of figured they were a cop-out to "real" births. so when someone said "i had a c-section" i usually ended up thinking "oh, they copped out" without asking further about what had happened to them.

that is - until it happened to me. a semi-emergency, totally unplanned c-section.

and you know what? my scar is my battle scar. it comes with a story. my baby's birth.

so now - i always ask about the full birth stories.

2. exersaucers.

{and massive amounts of toys in general}

they're totally UG-LY, right? i mean really. let's just be honest.

so when i saw those monstrous things in people's homes, i used to think

"yeah.stinkin.right. i will never have one of those things in my home."

and then, my friend offered to let us borrow hers... and i begrudgingly obliged (because i felt bad saying no)

and do you know what? levi loved the thing. and yes. it was ugly & took up a large corner of our small house.

but it kept him entertained, not on his back & happy so that i could do other things.

you know, like cook dinner.

3. worrying about everything

i thought i'd be different. i thought i'd be cool.

in my head, i used to say "geez, chill woman!" to all moms who fretted.

and then... my kid had a flat head. (pretty bad too, right?)

and i freaked about "will he have to wear a helmet??"... "will he have brain damage"

{seriously. not the end of the world... no helmet was needed & he's all round now, by the way}

4. paci addicts

i did. i judged women who allowed their child to get so addicted to the pacifier.

HA. we're {only partially now} paci addicted in this house, and you know what?

they work. and i like them.

5. taking a million photo shoots... every day.

of the kid alone. of me & the kid. of hubs & the kid.

just kidding. i never claimed i'd be anything except for that mom.

and there are so many more : pb&j {everyday}... putting your kid in an ugly outfit and swearing he looks adorable.

living on coffee. sticking your kid in front of the T.V. ...

etc. etc. etc.

so hey.

if you're not a mom yet: go easy on us! ;) 

we're all just doing the best we can!

and when you get to be a mom: do better than we do!

**

my mom says: "if i got to the end of the day, and nobody had gone to the hospital or died: it was a good day. and if dinner was on the table: it was a great day"

and those are words to live by.

Top 10: New Realities

1. Each morning, I set out to drink a cup of coffee.  Inevitably I find it half finished sometime after dark.

2. I am on page 18 of the book I started January 9th.  Who knows if I will finish it before spring.

3. If Behr and I are fed, bathed, and dressed for the day by noon, I consider my morning a success.  My previous notion of productivity has officially been blown out of the water.

4. I have managed to take over 300 photos of my baby, but had time to share less that 10 with only a handful of people.

5. I have over 200 emails and I am considering not responding to any and starting fresh.  This would be unnerving to the me before baby.

6. I no longer have time to finish a top 10, so we will just call this a "Top 5."