Little boy you are two months old, quickly on your way to three and four months. Your neck and legs are getting strong. Seems like you are nearly ready to challenge your big brother.
Watching how quickly the newborn phase disappears makes me realize how very short this season of parenting is. It can be said agan and again and again, but time is so very brief with precious little ones. When you fall asleep on my lap, it is like the world stands still and my to-do list melts away. I want every second to last a lifetime. Even among the loud screaming and crying, I often want time to stand still.
Being a mom is harried. I am constantly ripping myself in different directions, wanting to snuggle longer, a nursing session to move faster, pressing to get dinner ready, and avoiding cooking to roll around on the floor. My wants and desires shift radically every day with the influx of stress or laughter. I am torn and broken down.
Hudson, these past two months have been hard emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You have cried more than I wish. We all have cried more than I would like to admit. But in spite of it all, you are growing, smiling, laughing, and sneezing up a storm! You really do sneeze a lot. It is equally adorable to watch your face scrunch up and then hear your brother exclaim, "Husson suh-neeeeze. Bless you Husson!" He hasn't quite mastered the "D" in your name, but he is always aware of what you are doing.
When I was pregnant with you, I was determined to describe you as your own person, not in relation to your brother. But I have come to realize, that while you will always be an individual, you are inevitably shaped by the family that surrounds you, and that very much includes Behr. When you were born it was like looking at Behr's twin. Now at two months, I see both a mini-Behr in moments and also a Hudson that is nothing like Behr. Hudson you have a smile and coo that is entirely your own, completely unique to you. It has an incredible way of calming me. It is your tiny gift to me. Thank you for that.
I look forward to this next month being better, for all of us. For now, I will try to enjoy the moments, no matter what they bring.