::All About Marriage:: Long Ride Home

I am so excited to be having Candis guest post on marriage.  This lady has class.  She is a beautiful wife and momma and exudes wisdom.  I am honored to be able to call her a friend. This post has already taught me so much.  I am thrilled to be able to share it with you and I celebrate my fifth wedding anniversary today!  Thanks Candis.

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Hi, I'm Candis. I've been around these parts before right after the handsome Behr was born. Since then I gave birth to a little guy myself. His name is Westley and he is my heart. I have a blog called lady lee in process and I am very much in process. Always. I am here writing about marriage as requested by the lovely Shannon. I hope you enjoy.

A photo taken of my husband and I just moments before he asked me to marry him.



There is a song by Patty Griffin that has the ability to make me cry almost every time I hear it.

It's called Long Ride Home and it is beautiful.

There is a lyric in this song that has changed the way that I approach life and specifically my marriage.


Forty years go by with someone laying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare up at the sky turning red


I am only 3 and a half years into lifelong marriage to my husband, but I think you can learn a lot in three years. 

Especially if you listen to Patty Griffin.  


So here is my short list of tips from a rookie on how to have a happy marriage. 

1. GRACE: When the going gets tough and things get heated, stop. Take a breath. Think of your husband as a child. As a baby. It helps you to extend grace. It helps you see that we are all just people wanting to be understood and wanted and loved. All people that just need a little grace.


2. LAUGHTER: I heard this from several other seasoned married people before getting married and didn't really get it until I was married. You just have to laugh. Play. Be silly. Quickly you become grown-up people doing grown-up things together and it can become stressful and sometimes mundane. Let your marriage be a place that you know it's okay to let go once in awhile and act like a kid again. Diffuse tense moments with childlike goofiness. Give in to not taking life so seriously all the time. It's a relief. It will bond you together.


3. PRAYER: Here is an amazing statistic: Couples that pray together have a divorce rate of less than 1%. I feel like if I didn't believe in prayer or God or Jesus, that statistic alone would be enough for me to take pause and seek. 


4. KINDNESS: It can be so easy to be kind to strangers, co-workers, friends. And then we get home and are sullen or rude to the very person we love most in this world. The lyrics I shared above go deep for me. I don't want to be forty years into life with my love and be thinking, "how hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead?" The answer is, not that hard. It's not hard to choose kindness. Stop making excuses and just be kind. Choose words that give life and uplift. 

As I give all this advice, know that I take it for myself as well. 


Do you have any to add to the list? What has worked for you?

8 comments:

  1. Thanks so much Candis! I love the line...

    "how hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead"

    so true, so many times.

    And your prayer statistic, seriously incredible!

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  2. This is beautiful Candis! For me, doing the grown-up thing of having a baby has made me feel... very grown-up with all the responsibility and work. I need to remember to just be a kid again sometimes and laugh alot more than I am. Thanks for the reminder! You are an inspiration!

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  3. candis, it's so obvious you have a seriously beautiful soul when i read this post among many of the other ones you've done. such lovely advice.

    i am learning and learning and re-learning this one: "treat others as you'd want to be treated." with the kids, with steve, with everyone. such golden advice.

    and i am maybe listening to that patty griffin song while i'm reading this. love it.

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  4. Awesome post, thank you so much for your very wise reminders. One thing i am continually reminded of is the need for quality time together. To not let a single day go by without talking and connecting. We've learned its one of our love languages and something we cannot go days without.

    I loved what you wrote about prayer.. So very true.
    Agreed- you have a beautiful soul indeed!

    Happy anniversary, Shannon!

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  5. i love this candis. you write such beautiful and inspirational things. and that song is so, so true.

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  6. Beautiful words, Candis Jones. I expected no less. That's one fine pic of you and Drew Jones.

    I love you and Shannon and Patty. Talk about some lovely ladies.

    Happy 5 Shannon + Mark!

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  7. love this. my other favorite patty griffin song as it relates to my marriage is heavenly day!

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