R & R

Now that the New Year is officially underway {I may be a bit behind on my resolutions} and Valentine's Day is around the corner, I have been reflecting on loving my husband and serving my family well. Back in October, I wrote this post for :: the neesby lookbook :: sharing a bit about what makes marriage work for us. It has been at the forefront of my mind, so I decided to repost and share with you today. I hope you enjoy!

Marriage has been a journey of learning, but nothing has left a greater mark than a message we learned during pre-marital counseling. Honestly, I am not sure we really understood how important this simple message was until over a year into marriage. It is just two words, but made an incredible impact.

As arguments and disagreements arose in our marriage we have been subtly reminded by how important these words and what they entail are to maintaining a solid foundation.

marriage is not just about the clich├ęs:
moving onward and upward
don’t sweat the small stuff
saying “it’s okay”
brushing it under the rug
never going to bed without saying “sorry”

In fact, if you live by any number of these mantras, you are likely to harbor resentment or let incidents slowly chip away at the joy of marriage.  That is where these two words come into play.

For even the most minor infraction, Mark and I hash things out. Sometimes this is simple, and other times it gets pretty ugly. We make an effort to reconcile the situation.

But that is not the only step. The key is the restoration of the relationship. We try our best to follow up our reconciliation with a simple question posed by the offender: Relationship restored?

To be honest, arguments can be painful, so the answer is not always yes. I am stubborn, so I like to hold on to my hurt. When I say “No” I am making Mark work for it. I hope and pray that this is for the betterment of our marriage, not out of my sinful heart. But either way we always come back around to a place when we both can nod and hug in agreement that the relationship has been restored.

This sounds like heavy stuff, I know. But during times when communication was difficult or stress levels were high, this made the world of a difference.

During the first year “honeymoon stage” of our marriage, we practiced this process over simple things:

Changing the channel on tv
Breaking a glass vase
Forgetting to pick up something from the grocery store
Not making the bed
Shrinking a favorite sweater in the laundry
Leaving the gas stove on and almost killing us with fumes…
*some of these hypothetical examples may have actually occurred

Our practice proved fruitful. When harder times came, it was natural for us to reconcile the difference and proactively restore our relationship. We are a stronger family unit today because of these two words. I could never be grateful enough for this simple lesson.


  1. I like this, a lot. I did not get a chance to see the post when you did the guest post. It is so true and something I feel like we need to be reminded about always, but when the work is done to hash things out as you say, it is so much better. I am an "it's OK!" person, and my husband is a hasher, and I have learned from him. R&R. I like it.

  2. Great post! This is what my husband and I do each time we have a disagreement or what-have-you. It's a lot of work, but we wouldn't have it any other way!



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